Bedroom Egocentrics

thethemeis: Selfishness

theauthoris: Aaron Twentythree

   If you watched us tussle among the sheets, her yelping her girlish screams and me letting out extremely occasional grunts and moans at a low volume, you’d see a pair of lust-drunk friends wrapped in a selfless quest for mutual gratification. You’d see how we explore every square centimetre of each other’s skin, wanting only to please each other. You’d see what looked like a pair of lovers, kissing and licking and nibbling and gyrating their way to synchronised orgasms, muscles quivering and beads of sweat meeting to trickle through hairs-on-end to soak into the bedcovers. Get close enough, and you’d smell the vodka on our breath. 

   But when we’re done, and we lay breathless and naked and used beside each other, we are exposed as the two most selfish people on Earth. She, the woman who knew from the very start that this would amount to nothing more than a friendship with certain other never-to-be-mentioned-in-public benefits, and who agreed to those terms without hesitation, has the audacity to hope for - no - expect it to blossom into something beautiful, like love. She wishes with all her heart that I could open my eyes and see that the chemistry we share in the bedroom extends to our lives outside of it, that we would be perfect together. She knows full well that I never want to go there, but still every time it runs through her head, and she selfishly does nothing to prevent it. If she were such a good friend, would she not keep these feelings to herself, knowing that I will never return them, and wince at the prospect?

   I, on the other hand, am the one who greedily expects this woman to carry on spending nights with me without ever yearning for any more commitment than I’ve already promised. I am the one who wants this woman to stay true to a verbal agreement we made at the start to never let it get too serious, even though I know that sexual relations complicate even the most airtight of contracts. I want this glorious paradigm of womankind to fulfil my sexual needs whenever I deem it necessary, to never look around for alternatives who could love her more; and I have the gall to expect her to suppress any emotional attachment she feels towards me, because I never want to love again. 

   We made the worst agreement two people who are sexually attracted to one another can make. And in our own ways, we’re both of us the most egocentric people in the world because of it.

   So after tonight’s particularly rigorous session, drops of my bodily fluid on her chest and a smile on her face as she runs a finger up and down my arm, she says the most selfish thing she could say. 

   ‘Aaron, we’d be so good together, why won’t you consider it?’

   And I reply with the most selfish response I could possibly think of. 

   ‘Fern, drop it, okay? We agreed this would be fine, we don’t need labels, responsibilities and commitments ruining such a good thing.’

My Dark Longing

thethemeis: Monsters

theauthoris: Deadbeat

They'd call me a monster, if they ever knew. Perhaps they're right.

I've always said to myself that i'd never actually do anything. No matter how great the urge became, i'd never act on it. 'There are always other ways to get my kicks' i'd think to myself. 'The internet is full of stuff, there are literally thousands of videos out there. It's horrible to think of the immense suffering and mental torture that those videos capture, but it won't cause any more hurt if I watch them. The damage is already done. And if it silences the voice in my head for a week or two, then it's for the best really.' And so I was able to control my desires for a while.

I often saw stories on the news that awoke my interest. It was hard not to, they're usually everywhere. I can't get on a train or walk down the street without seeing the graphic and shocking images staring back at me. It's a struggle not to show my keen interest and delight as people stand around the office retelling the gory details to each other. I'm sure on more than one occasion I have been caught smiling innapropriately by my colleagues. Perhaps they already know what I am. The amount of rumours going around that place, it'd be a miracle if there wasn't one about me.

On occasion i'd let myself imagine that I carried out one of these grave acts. Pictures of my handy-work on the front of all the national newspapers and on television screens up and down the country. I'd lay in bed and plan out how i'd go about it. The way I would pick the target, how i'd pick a date and the excitement would build in the weeks before. I'd go through ever little detail in my mind, the scenario was rarely the same twice. It seemed harmless enough, so long as I always knew that they were only fantasies. So long as I never believed I would actually do it.

My dad always knew what I was like, what I was into. We never spoke about it directly, but he could tell. Looks he gave me at times when he caught me staring too long, the way he'd always change the channel or move a conversation on if it ever got to near to the topic. It's as if he knew just as well as I did what might set me off. Perhaps he was into it to, spending all his life putting off his urges. Who knows, maybe he'd actually acted on them at some point. Maybe one of those stories I remember so vividly from the television during my childhood was his doing. He could've even made it onto my wall-of-fame.

Then one day, I saw something so beautiful that I knew I wouldn't be able to keep my urges to myself anymore. Whilst waiting for the bus I saw a young mother pushing a pram with a care-free toddler following behind. The your girl was skipping down the road swinging her arms and singing to herself. She was wearing the typical blue chequered dress that many young schoolgirls are seen in. Her hair was bright blonde and in pigtails, with two red ribbons tied into bows. She was the very picture of joy and innocence and I could help but find myself watch her skip down the road.

As she crossed the road with her mother, she noticed me watching her. She stopped and smiled back at me, wavy with her tiny hand. I could barely contain my excitement, I was full of energy watching the scene before me. I had watched countless videos and seen thousands of graphic pictures on the internet, but i'd never come so close to something so erotically engaging.

Though I could see the car slowly approaching her, the little girl just stood waving oblivious to her impending fate. I saw the whole scene unfold in fantastic slow motion. The young girl was not much taller than the bonnet of the BMW which collided with her, but the impact was enough the snap her body back and carry her up onto the car. As she flew through the windscreen she already looked like a small crash test dummy. Glass flew in the direction of the male driver and his young female companion and to my joy I could just make out another tiny passenger in the baby seat behind the couple. The small girl flew straight through the back window and rolled twice before coming to a stop on the tarmac. In the panic the driver veered off towards the sidewalk making his way towards a old couple that had no chance to escape the chaos. The old man was thrown several feet onto the pavement whilst his wife was pinned against a wall by the now stationary BMW.

Once the scene had come to a rest the whole street exploding in such noisy despair that nobody seemed to notice my joyous laughter at the whole event. Of course i'd seen far more chaotic scenes on my laptop, far greater disasters with much higher death counts. I've almost lost count of the number of times i've brought myself to an ecstatic climax watching footage of the twin towers going down or the 2004 Asian tsunamis. This was nothing in comparison to those events, but it was so real to me. Everyone else from the bus stop had got up and run over to offer help to the victims, but I dare not move anywhere for fear of showing my now raging erection. I'd never felt any rush like this, to think that i'd spend most of my life running from this experience. The moment that car made impact I knew there was no going back, I would be doing everything I could to see scenes like this again. My years of strategic plans had to be put into practice. I simply had to see such chaos up close again.