The Glitch

thethemeis: An Endless Cycle

theauthoris: Aaron Twentythree

   This must be a glitch, Darryl thinks to himself, as Scarlet stomps into the room complaining about how he's left his used underwear lying around or she doesn't like the way he smells today or some bullshit that he doesn't have the attention span to listen to. Like a moth to a fly zapper, she always seems to decide to fuss around him just as he's sitting down to get stuck into some programming. 

   'And you never rinse the bath out after you've got out of it,' Scarlet continues, and Darryl thinks about how she never used to complain like this. Once upon a time, she was madly in love, desperate to impress him, absolutely blind to his myriad of flaws; but a few weeks ago, something changed. All Darryl did was sit down in front of his laptop, much like now, and start programming; but somewhere along the line, he missed something. He made a mistake, or overlooked a vital event, or completely ignored a glaring problem, and now he's stuck on the end of a constant barrage of displeasure from the one who used to do nothing but worship him. Rather than talk to her to sort it out, he resorts to coding more often now. If he lacks the ability to fix his relationship through talking, he'll fix his applications through hard work instead. 

   And so he just frowns harder at the screen, taps the keys on his keyboard with a little more purpose, and looks harder for this glitch of his, while she walks from each decorative object in the room to the next, straightening each one and complaining that they weren't straight before she did so. 

   The sex is another thing he misses. At the click of his fingers, with just a few simple commands, he would once have her on her back with her legs behind her ears or hanging from monkey bars upside down completely naked, ready for the next sexual adventure he had decided they should try. This was back when their relationship was young, back before he ran out of ideas. Now, she even complains in the bedroom. Sure, she'll take part in sexual activity as much as he wants; but why would he want to when she is tirelessly making it clear that nothing he's doing is a thrill to her?

   ‘What are your socks doing here?! Your socks do not belong here!’ She screams.

   Or maybe it’s not something Darryl has done at all. Maybe this is just the way the relationship was always going to develop. Maybe from the start, it was programmed into her that she would get this way. Maybe they’ve spent so much time together stagnating in this tiny flat that she was always bound to lose interest. Maybe he’s not the girl he was looking for; after all, he’s never had a girl like her before.

   And just as he begins to think this, it hits him. Right there between the eyes, the glitch smacks him with the hard realisation that everything he has done to debug the relationship so far has been completely and utterly retarded. There it is, an endless cycle. An infinite loop.

      public static void Main(String[] args){

         while(true){

            Issue newissue = findSomethingToMoanAbout();

            moanAbout(newissue);

         }

      ...

   He had written it months ago, when joking around with his friend that she never complained and that maybe she should try one day. He had forgotten it was there, and now it had come back to bite him. ‘YES!’ He yelled, punching his fists into the air and rocking back in his chair.

   Excitedly, he highlighted the offending loop and hit Delete. Barely able to contain himself, he hit Build Solution… and uploaded the new code to his device.

   Then he sat back and watched, as Scarlet stopped complaining, put down the furniture she was moving around, and walked out of the room, heading straight for the monkey bars.